BerthaBlog

Monday, my period started with a vengeance. Tuesday I was treated to some truly memorable cramping. In the morning I was in so much pain my hands were shaking. I was sitting in my English class, trying to pay attention to the instructor, and observing the trembling in my hands. It would have been very interesting at another time, but right then I was just thinking, “Damn, if they’re shaking like that it means I can’t perform self-surgery with my ball-point pen and gouge that bitch out of my gut. Which is too bad, because it would hurt less.”

And guys wonder why women don’t appreciate jokes about PMS.

Last week I was at a fairly large, busy intersection—one of those with cars going through in so many directions that the red cycle seems quite long. The person at the head of the queue was apparently napping, or lost in thought, or otherwise occupied when the light went green, and he didn’t move until just before our brief green turned yellow.

Two or three of the cars behind him did not have the patience to wait through the red cycle again. Three or four more cars scooted through after the brief yellow was over. Guess who was one of them!

And thanks to the traffic cameras at the intersection, I now have my fifteen seconds of fame with the DMV!

My mate forwarded this comment from a Slashdot article (I’ve removed the author’s e-mail address):

If Apple made a Magic Pony, would Microsoft?

Steve Jobs, Macworld, 2008: “We’ve invented the iPony!” (pulls back sheet to reveal shining white magical pony prancing on stage) “His name is Starshine, and we made him from moonbeams, fairy dust, suger, spice, and a tiny bit of neatsfoot oil. He can sing, dance, do your algebra homework, and go from 0-60 in 4.9 seconds!”

Steve Ballmer, 6 months later: “We’ve invented the ZunePony!” (pulls back sheet to reveal hideous brown zombie pony with mismatched eyes and visible stitching across its reanimated carcase and reeking of death and sulfer) “His name is Mordheim, and we made him from corpses, discarded auto parts and some leftover copies of Microsoft Bob. He can shamble nearly 20 feet in any direction, emit unearthly screams like a damned soul, and feast on the flesh of the living!” (At this point, the zombie pony stumbles toward the camera and starts eating the brain of an AP reporter. Thankfully, this doesn’t seem to have any impact on the reporter’s career.)

Newstory six months later: “Microsoft says it’s quite happy to capture 2% of the Magic Pony market this year. ‘Just wait for ZunePony 2.0!’ said Ballmer. “We’ve added claws and horns!”

Lawrence Person