Jul 312009
 

One of the perqs of cleaning out the basement is the historical artifacts you dig up. Let me share one I unearthed recently.

The year: 1996. The Artist would have been a year old; we were just getting started as a new family. Apparently Amway tried to recruit Alpha Geek into their ranks. Sorting through a box of old papers (yes, we have boxes in our basement that haven’t been opened since 1996), I found a copy of a letter he sent them in response:

Sirs:

Bradley Orner has produced what looks to me a very well thought out analysis of the income potential of Amway. My own research confirms his findings on all major points. The full text of his article is available on the Internet at http://www.teleport.com/~schwartz/bostat.txt. The relevant findings are as follows:

Percentile Gross
Monthly
Income
Net Income
(Loss)
Category
99.996 $10,183.00 $9,683.00 Diamond
99.9 $6,321.75 $5,821.75 Emerald
99.5 $2,034.00 $1,534.00 Direct
95.3 $108.00 ($392.00) >500PV
89.1 $70.50 ($429.50) >125PV
79.8 $45.00 ($455.00) >75PV
66.4 $15.00 ($23.00) >25PV
59.7 $0.30 (38.00) >1PV
46.0 $0.00 ($38.00) 0PV active
under 46 $0.00 $0.00 inactive


I cannot help but notice that you lose money on Amway until you “break off” and become a direct distributor. I do not want to lose money; this is not my goal. I am sure you will wish to contest this analysis, so I will simply ignore it and concentrate on the top three levels.

You wrote $2,100 in as the income for a direct distributor; this is in agreement with Mr. Orner’s figure of $2,034. Mr. Orner simply deducts an average of $500 in expenses such as mileage, motivational materials, telephone long distance charges, and so forth. This comes to an income of $18,000 per year. Not particularly impressive; certainly nothing to retire on.

Only one in 200 Amway distributors are at this level. This suggests that to become a direct distributor, you must have an average of 200 members in your downline, not 79 as shown in the booklet. The reason for this is that the booklet assumes that everyone in your downline is fully productive, which will obviously not be the case. So let’s assume that you personally sign up 10 people, who in turn sign up another 50, who in turn sign up another 140. Assuming very optimistically, that one in five people you contact actually become a dsitributor, this means you must personally contact 50 people in order to recruit your first tier, then help them contact 250 more people to fill the second tier, and then help them contact 700 people to fill the third tier. Assuming, simply to get in the ballpark, that it takes, in repeated contacts, driving time, preparation, et cetera, 4 hours, to sign someone up directly, 2 hours to help a first-tier person sign up a second-tier person, and 1 hour to help a second-tier person sign up a third-tier person. That is a total of 1400 hours work. At the 8-10 hours per week described in the booklet (and remember, you can’t quit your day job yet, because you are paying business expenses out of your pocket, and in addition, even once you become a direct distributor, you don’t make enough money to live on), this is 155 weeks, or three years. So in three years of ongoing, week-after-week effort, none of which you have been compensated for—and which you have in fact paid for out of your own pocket—you have created for yourself a part-time job that pays $1,534 for every 400-hour month, or $38/hr. This is about what I make now. Why not just go get a part-time, 10-hr/wk second contact and make money from the beginning?

Okay, but what about emerald and diamond distributors. An emerald distributor makes about as much money as I do right now, and a diamond makes about twice that. One in a thousand distributors are emeralds. Assuming that you become an emerald by having five direct distributors in your group, that means that the five people who are to become your direct distributors must spend the same three years achieving that level that you did to begin with—assuming (and this is a big assumption) that they can all start immediately, or have started already, when you become an emerald yourself. So in 2002, I finally manage to make as much in Amway as I was making in 1996 at my full-time job. This is assuming that it is actually possible to be an emerald distributor for only 10 hours a week; I rather suspect that emerald distributors have to put a lot more work in than that. But anyway, assuming that Amway’s payoffs have kept pace with both inflation and increases in computer industry pay scales, I have finally got to the point where I can say with confidence: “I am now no worse off, or at least not much worse off, financially in Amway than I was as a computer consultant.” I’m still not very excited.

One in 25,000 distributors is a diamond. This means that to become a diamond, you have to sponsor 25 emeralds. If it takes six years to become an emerald, then it takes at least six years to go from emerald to diamond, becomes your downline people have to become emeralds themselves. So now it’s 2008, I’m 40 years old, I’ve been in Amway for 12 years, and I’m making $120,000 per year in 1996 dollars. This, finally, is a respectable income, equivalent to about $60/hour for a full-time job. It’s half again what I make now.

But here’s the thing: Assuming, by your example, that active distributors buy $200 worth of product per month each. Once you’re a diamond distributor, you have an active downline of 25,000 people, so there is a sales volume of five million dollars involved per month, or 60 million per year. So viewed as a sales job, Amway diamond distributors are making a commission of only 0.2% on volume. In any other industry, 1% on gross is considered adequate but not particularly good. If, instead of working for Amway, I spent the next 12 years building sales volume as a manufacturer’s rep or independent sales associate, and assuming that I could generate the same volume (not an unreasonable assumption), I would reasonably expect an income of at least $600,000 per year—five times what Amway proposes to pay me.

Alternately, I could stay in the computer industry. I have eight years’ professional experience now. After 12 more years, I would have 20 years experience, and would be working as a middle manager or extremely senior systems analyst. These people make well over $100,000 per year. And instead of scrimping and saving to pay for the first three unproductive years, I would have a steady income the whole time. Not only that, but I would be doing work I genuinely enjoy, rather than extroverted sales-schmoozing, which I can do but don’t like very much.

So no thanks, I don’t want to join Amway. Please don’t call on me again.

For the record, we never heard from them again.

Jul 302009
 

That’s how long I’ve been married to Alpha Geek. Our anniversary was Tuesday. We’ve been driving each other nuts for almost two decades now.

 

(NSFW.)

 

At least, legally. The Artist turned eighteen today.

Eighteen is a big birthday, so we got together with the grandparents to get him a big present—a new laptop. His old Mac went toes-up a few weeks ago and he’s had to beg time on our computers. Now he has his very own Macbook Pro.

Apple is also running a promotion at the moment, which is a free iPod Touch with the purchase of a Macbook Pro. With your name engraved on it. Now he also has an 8gb iPod with his name on it.

He is a very happy young man tonight.

 

Mark my words, within a year this cat will be queen of our house. And I suspect she will have claimed The Director as her own particular human.

Alpha Geek gave her supper while I was gone. But he’s not an early riser by nature, and I’ve taught her not to meow at our bedroom door. So for the last four days she’s been waking The Director up for her breakfast.

She still doesn’t like to be picked up, but she’ll tolerate it for a moment while you move her to your lap (because she knows there will be petting). The Director is a little guy, and still getting the hang of picking up a cat; sometimes he picks her up in an awkward bundle of legs sticking out of his arms. She’ll give a meow to let him know she’s not enjoying it, but then just hang there and wait until he sits down and starts with the petting.

Marchesa

Every morning we get to discover what she’s found to play with during the night. One morning she had murdered my feather duster. Another, I found some kind of cord on the staircase—I have no idea what it’s from. Once I left a scrunchie out on the end table. She had a ball with that, it was completely unraveled by morning.

Her absolute favorite toy so far is a handmade potholder The Director made years ago, one of those where the kid weaves loops on a loom to make Mom a tiny little potholder. It was too small to use, so I hung it on the pantry door.

Anything dangling is fair game for this cat. She pulled it down one night and has loved playing with it. It’s big enough to get a good hold on, with a good texture for claws to hold, and soft enough to be fun for wrestling. It’s a wonderful cat toy. The Director was delighted that his handmade craft became her specially favored toy.

Jul 132009
 

The Artist and I are back from Philadelphia; we met up with palsgraf_polka and emt420 and toured the city.

First we went to the Mütter (which is an alt.tasteless pilgrimage). I had to go look at the world’s largest colon—I told The Artist “That guy was literally full of shit,” which he found hilarious. Poor guy had Hirschprung’s Disease, a condition in which the nerve cells of the large intestine don’t develop. He suffered painful constipation throughout his life—there’s a photo of him with his swollen abdomen and little stick legs. Shortly before he died, his abdomen was so swollen and packed with feces that he was having trouble breathing.

Fortunately this can now be diagnosed at birth, and surgically corrected. Still, as someone enjoying the effects of IBS, I could empathize all too well with the poor guy.

Next we wandered down to Independence Mall to see the Liberty Bell. On the way we passed Chinatown:

Gate to Chinatown

We stopped at a little tiny restaurant for Philly cheesesteaks—The Artist heard “steak” and wanted a ribeye, but we convinced him to try the Philadelphia cuisine and he enjoyed it. I’m told the cheesesteaks were excellent examples of the fare, although I didn’t partake (stupid IBS).

The Artist in front of The Liberty Bell

Then we strolled down to view the Liberty Bell. Can’t you just feel the history?

Saturday The Artist and I went over to The Franklin Institute to see the Star Trek and Galileo exhibits. We went to the planetarium, walked through a giant heart, and did science experiments at the Space Academy. They also had a Skybike, which of course The Artist had to go ride.

The Artist on the Skybike

We stayed there all day; they had to chase us out of the train exhibit.

Sunday we took the train back home. I just want to share this odd little plaque they had in the restroom. When I first glanced at it, I wondered why they had a picture of a little devil-man on a plaque by the sink. Not until I actually read the accompanying text did I realize it was supposed to be a broom.

Clean up placard

Jul 092009
 

The Artist and I are up in Philadelphia, cozily ensconced in a very nice room at the Hilton. We had a late dinner at the hotel restaurant on the 10th floor (great view!). Now Psalgraf and I are in the Business Center hogging up their computers while we yak and don’t actually use the machines.

We took the train up, which was fun—I’d never ridden a train before. We took the subway from the train station to the hotel, then walked the last couple of blocks from the subway.

I’ve noticed The Artist has gotten protective of me in the last couple of years, as he grows more aware and responsible. Once when I was taking him to his bass lesson, I told him I was stopping at the coffee shop next door and I’d meet him at the guitar shop. He admonished me to be careful, because the coffee shop looked like kind of a rough place. It’s one of those just-off-campus coffee houses, in an old run-down building with unkempt patrons from twenty to older-than-dirt mingling with sharply-dressed business types. It does have a low-rent vibe to it, but it’s not a dive. Still, I found it sweet that he was looking out for me.

Today on the way from the subway to the hotel, we passed a couple of homeless men sleeping on the sidewalk. I noticed as we approached them, The Artist switched sides so he was walking between me and the homeless men. Looks like he’s going to be one of those big sweet guys who feels protective of the little people around him.

Tomorrow we’re going to go to the Mutter Museum, and possibly go see the Galileo exhibit at the Franklin. And the Liberty Bell. And who knows what.

Jul 082009
 

The Artist and I are on our way to Philadelphia tomorrow; we’re going to meet up with palsgraf_polka, iron_chef_gein, and possibly Ginny. Maybe we’ll go see famous museums and historical sites, or maybe we’ll just hang out in bars and have cheesesteak sandwiches.

See ya Monday!

 

I went to AccounTemps today to fill out tax forms and take an assessment test. I was a bit worried about the assessment test; I finished classes in December and I haven’t done anything accounting-related since. But the test was just the basics (which I guess is to be expected since I’m applying for entry-level positions), and I did the basics for two and a half years while working on the degree. Test was no problem, and I scored well above average on everything except the 10-key data entry. Since I’ve never actually learned 10-key data entry, I am not surprised by this result.


The Artist and I went out to Wake Tech last week to see his advisor and get him signed up and in the system. This afternoon we sat down and planned out his schedule of courses for the fall semester. Then we went to register for the classes.

And we were denied, because he’s still a minor. He’ll be eighteen later this month, but we want to register for these classes ASAP to make sure we get the ones he wants. I phoned and left a message with (I hope) the appropriate department, who will theoretically phone me back by tomorrow night.


One of my former instructors saw me with The Artist last week while we were getting him registered. I talked to him today while dropping off some more paperwork for the kid, and he said “I saw you out here with your brother last week.” Stupid me, I went and told him the kid was actually my son. But still, it’s kind of cool that I can apparently pass for a big sister of a high school kid.

 

Yesterday I introduced Marchesa to the Bad Kitty bottle.

Haven’t really needed it up till now. Once she got up on the table, and once she experimentally began clawing the carpet—both times I clapped my hands sharply and she immediately stopped the unwanted behavior and didn’t do it again.

But in the mornings, she’s on the other side of the bedroom door. Meowing. She learned quickly that the alarm means I’ll be coming out and giving her breakfast and petting. If the alarm doesn’t go off at a time she feels is reasonable, she’ll start meowing for me.

The time she feels I should be coming out to pet her has been getting earlier and earlier.

Yesterday she started meowing for me at a quarter to five in the morning.

I’m normally fairly patient with critters. Even when they’re being annoying, they aren’t doing it maliciously. But at five in the morning I am not a patient person. Enough is enough already. I retrieved the Bad Kitty bottle and gave her a squirt of water. She disappeared down the hall.

Twenty minutes later she tried again. Other behaviors I’d put a stop to immediately, but she’s been doing this one a while so she didn’t get the hint as quickly. She got another squirt.

It took her three tries, but she got the idea. She left me alone to sleep.

The Bad Kitty bottle seems to have worked quite well; this morning she remembered not to wake me up for food and attention.

Instead she woke up my son.

*sigh*

Jul 042009
 

American Flag

We were going to the Evil Overlord’s house for a cook-out, but he’s been putting in ten-hour workdays and is completely wiped, so it was called off. I don’t blame him a bit. I plan to spend the day lounging about, eating barbeque and chips and drinking beer, and doing nothing particularly useful. I sincerely hope he does likewise.

Have a great one, everybody!

Fritterin

 Geek Wannabe, General  Comments Off
Jul 032009
 

Having trouble buckling down and doing work today for some reason. My current project is tidying the pantry—not an easy task, because our pantry shelves are twice as deep as they should be. Either I use only half the shelf, and don’t have space for everything, or I use the whole shelf and stuff gets lost in the back and not seen until the next pantry-tidy. I had stuff in there that expired in 2004.

So this time I’m electing to only use half the shelf space, which means about half our stuff needs to get tossed. I made a good start on it yesterday, and then today I came downstairs and started farting around on the computer instead. Because I don’t want to clean the damn pantry. It’s boring.

The post title comes from The Music Man, “Ya Got Trouble”:

And all week long your River City
Youth’ll be fritterin away,
I say your young men’ll be fritterin!
Fritterin away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!

Yep, that’s me.

Jul 022009
 
What happens… When you/your friends do it, it is… When other people do it, it is…
1. Post a critique of a piece of fiction: Perfectly legitimate commentary on something you read. Bullying and persecution.
2. Make disparaging personal remarks about a writer: Totally fine. The writer deserves it because you don’t like her she hasn’t earned politeness or respect. Bullying and persecution.
3. The writer responds negatively: Standing up for yourself. You are bravely fighting back against unjust criticism, and exercising your right to free speech. Pathetic, attention-seeking behaviour. They are whining and should grow a thick skin. Furthermore, it is an attempt to suppress free speech.
4. The writer’s friends respond negatively: Admirable. They are loyal and true and standing up for their friend. A mass attack. They are a bullying cabal who are banding together to persecute you.
5. Totally unconnected observers respond negatively: Impartial validation of your position. They are clearly sensible, intelligent individuals who came to a fair conclusion totally on their own. Dogpiling. They have been brainwashed by propaganda and/or are secretly in cahoots with the bullying cabal. Either way, it’s more persecution.

Originally posted by fluterbev.

Jul 012009
 

Canadian flag

Alpha Geek is up in Ottawa today, to celebrate Canada Day on Parliament Hill. I’m holding down the fort while he’s gone; next week I’ll be going up to Philadelphia to meet some friends.

Just got a call from a employment agency; I recently submitted an application for one of their positions, which alerted them to my existence. We set up an appointment for me to go in on Monday and fill out the paperwork and take the assessment tests. He asked if I would object to temporary positions if there’s nothing long-term—hell no, I wouldn’t mind!

I hope this means the job situation will turn around soon. It’s been so long since I’ve been in school, I’m afraid I’m forgetting everything I learned getting the degree.

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