My cat sleeps twenty hours a day. So why do I try not to disturb her when she’s sleeping?
Alpha Geek (coming into the TV room): What are you watching?
Me: Dr. Pimple Popper.
Alpha Geek: Can we watch literally anything else?
Me: Bodies are gross.
Son noticed me looking around for something.
Me: I thought I brought a napkin over, but I guess I forgot.
Son: Want me to go get you one?
Me: That’s okay, I’ll just use my shirt.
Son: I’ll go get you one.
Me: Wait, who’s the parent here?