My name is Mr .Nahib Yusuf. I am donating ($10,500,000.00) to you. what I have to you for the up keeping of the Orphan and the less-privilage. Kindly Contact my lawyer this email belloanderson_legalsolicitor@live.com bless you. Mr .Nahib Yusuf.
My first impulse was to reply with, “Fuck the orphans,” but that would just confirm he’s got a live address.
Okay, so check this one out: I had a dream about Harry Potter. Which is weird enough, because I’ve only seen three of the movies and still haven’t read the last two books—it’s not like I live and breathe Harry Potter.
Oddly, in my dream Harry had an older sister who was also a wizard, but she was just as unpleasant as Dudley Dursley and was always harassing him to impress her Slytherin friends. They were flying on broomsticks, and she was chasing him so she could do some unpleasant prank or other to him.
Harry faked her out by flying through a cloud of smoke from a factory chimney and darting off in a new direction, while she flew on straight a ways before she realized. He then headed for a nearby body of water (I guess it was the Thames) and dove in, so he was hidden and she wouldn’t know where he’d gone. He did a quick underwater-breathing spell so he wouldn’t have to come up for air and reveal where he was.
While he was hanging out under the water, a sea horse approached to investigate. Except this wasn’t one of those odd little vertical fish with the prehensile tail. It was an actual horse-shaped animal, completely black all over. It looked like a horse silhouette, you couldn’t even see eyes.
The sea horse got to talking with Harry about how he was staying underwater for so long, and how the sea horse kingdom was having some kind of problem and could use a person with Harry’s talent for magic to help them. Harry agreed to come see what was what, and the whole thing was shaping up to become a fine adventure but then the alarm clock went off.
Recently Alpha Geek was out of town for about a week.
The maintenance minder light in his car had been on for some time, so I thought while he was out of town I would take his car in to the shop for its maintenance. One less thing he’d have to deal with when he got back. So I called the shop and set up an appointment to bring in his car.
About an hour later, Alpha Geek forwarded me the e-mail they sent him confirming his appointment.
Damn. I’d forgot they did that.
I e-mailed back, “Well, so much for surprising you.”
He replied, “I just got the surprise a little early.”